Cheap Coyote Tricks      by Greg Keeler         Page 17             

The Importance of Being Ernest

Fox was scuba diving
in the Florida Keys when
he surfaced by a white beach
and saw a group of young writers
dressing, acting and talking
like Ernest Hemingway.
"Is this a production of
The Importance of Being Ernest ?"
asked Fox, inwardly congratulating
himself for the wit of his little pun.
But his smugness faded quickly
as they all unsheathed elephant guns
and blew his scuba tank into
dime-sized fragments.
Dogpaddling to shore, Fox decided
that perhaps literary criticism
was not his forte.

Bird Bigot

Crow bought a brand
new riding mower, for
he had a very large lawn.
As he was bouncing along
in high gear, he saw a
small blue egg with
gold spots lying directly
before him. "Oh no,"
said Crow as he tried
to stop, but it was
too late. He looked back
in his freshly clipped path,
and instead of a mangled egg,
he saw a beautiful white dove
with green eyes and a wreath
of lawn clippings in its beak.
"I've created PEACE!" 
said Crow, leaping from
the mower to shake hands.
But the dove turned its back
and said "The law might force
me to live in the same 
neighborhood with you,
but I sure as hell don't
have to shake your hand."

Coyote Kills Bugs Dead

Fox stood in the middle
of the woods with little
animals gathering about
him. Hummingbirds swirled
around his ears. Chipmunks
nibbled at his fingertips.
Fox felt smug and secretly 
compared himself
to St. Francis.
"Stand perfectly still
and don't be afraid!"
whispered Coyote as he
crept from behind a rock
with a can of
industrial strength Raid.

Tugboat Alternative

Coyote entered the sweat lodge
to be initiated into the order
of the punctured chest.
Before him he saw the other
initiates dangling from the
ceiling by leather cords
tied to barbs in their
punctured chests.
It was then that
Coyote decided to
be initiated into the
order of small
remote-controlled tugboats.

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