Greg Keeler - Cheap Coyote Tricks

Cheap Coyote Tricks by Greg Keeler Page 29

Leaves of Grass

Fox, Coyote, Crow and Badger
lay back in the grass and watched
the summer clouds drift over on
a lazy, warm breeze. "Look down
into the grass," said Badger,
turning over on his stomach.
"It's like a tiny world down there."
"Yes," said Coyote, "a world full
of minute life and death struggles."
"And the grass," said Fox, "it's
like green windows through which
the sun casts myriad, diffuse shadows."
"Ah yes, and look," said Crow, caught
up in the spirit of the moment, "hither
comes yon minuscule denizen of this
diminutive nirvana." The minuscule
denizen turned out to be Ant, who
was wearing a little suit and lugging
a little briefcase toward a little
subway, but before he got to the
entrance, he dropped the briefcase
and tiny papers blew all over the grass.

Coyote's CHAPEL OF ETERNAL LOVE

Amoeba decided to
get married, so he/she
went to Coyote's
CHAPEL OF ETERNAL LOVE
in Reno. Because Amoeba
was modern and free-
thinking, he/she had
drawn up a contract of
partnership rather than
relying on traditional
wedding vows. As Amoeba
stood in front of a large
pink and blue neon heart,
Coyote put as much syrupy
passion as the $300
CUSTOM CEREMONY fee
warranted into such words
as "bonding," "sharing
experience," and "mutual
learning process."
But before he could finish,
Amoeba got a panicked
look on his/her face,
started to contort, then
snapped in half.
"Lordy lordy," said Coyote,
"marriage, birth, divorce
and death--all in one ceremony!
Looks like that's gonna
run you another $900."

Democracy in Action

"And I promise," said Badger,
"a job for anyone willing to work,
a chicken for every pot, and a car
for every garage." "Oh, that's
just great," said Coyote. "And
what, may I ask, will we
be doing on these jobs?"
"Why, that's simple," said Badger.
"You'll be creating more jobs."
At that moment, Chicken pulled
up in a Honda Accord. "Which
garage shall I park this one in?"
said Chicken. "Hold it right
there, Chicken," said Coyote.
"You're supposed to be boiling
in a pot. What are you doing
parking cars? And who's paying
for all of this?" "I got laid off
from my pot job," said Chicken.
"Now I'm parking cars as part
of Badger's new workfare
program, which is actually more
economical since the government
subsidizes chickens, pots, cars,
garages--the whole enchilada.
And you're paying for it all, ass hole."

Some Enchanted Duck Butt

On a clear, warm autumn evening,
Coyote sat beside a duck pond
on a college campus and listened
to the carillon play Some Enchanted
Evening while the ducks stuck their
little butts in the air and pecked
scum from the concrete bottom.
Coyote was mulling over an equation
he had just learned in a quantum
physics class when he had an astounding
insight, an amazing breakthrough into the
primal patterns which govern all existence:
the duck butts were particles, the water
was waves and the surrounding music
was a function of his own perceptions
concerning energy and matter.
So he wouldn't forget this, Coyote
hummed Some Enchanted Evening
while he trotted home to his computer,
but before he could get there, the carillon
started playing Autumn Leaves, and when
he sat behind his keyboard, all he could do
was stare hollow-eyed at what appeared
to be duck butts drifting by his window.