Cheap Coyote Tricks      by Greg Keeler         Page 33               

 
Runner-Up to a Slug

It was the last round of
the beauty contest and
Slug and Snail hugged
each other in the middle
of the stage. "And the
first runner-up is..." said
Coyote, opening an 
envelope while the drum
rolled, "...Snail." "I won, 
I won," shrieked Snail.
"No," said Slug, "you're
the first runner up. That
means you lose and I win."
"That's right," said Coyote.
"Only in the event of 
sickness or disaster will
you take over the title."
For her first assignment,
Slug was supposed to model
swim-suits in Crater Lake,
but that night Snail hacked
into the contest computer,
deleted Crater and 
inserted Great Salt.

  
Chickens First

"The line forms here,"
said Coyote, opening
enrollment for his popular
new class in etiology.
"Me first!" yelled Chicken,
blowing an egg out her ass.

 
He Had Promises to Keep

Huge fluffy snowflakes
fell around Fox as he
stopped his sleigh 
between the woods
and frozen lake on the
night of winter's solstice.
The only sounds were those
of an easy wind and a light
thumping as the huge flakes
hit the ground--that is, until
Horse shook the harness bells
snapping Fox out of his
reveries about how far
he had to go before he slept.
"Why in hell are we stopping 
here?" said Horse. "There's
something about these flakes,
the wind, the lovely, dark 
and deep woods and those bells 
that sort of make me want to--to--"
"To what?" said Horse.
"To take a leak," said Fox.
"Hey, me too," said Horse.
Fortunately, their noisy urinating
reminded Fox that he had promised
Coyote he'd stop in town and buy beers.
Hooray For Hollywood

Coyote and Hollywood Producer
were doing lunch because
Hollywood Producer had 
promised to include Coyote
in an important Hollywood deal.
All through lunch, Coyote waited 
for the deal to be mentioned,
but it never was. At the end
of the meal, Coyote sat poking at
his creme brulee while Hollywood
Producer went to the men's room.
After a half an hour or so, Coyote
got up his courage, went into 
the men's room, stood in front
of a stall and said, "Excuse me sir,
but I was under the impression 
that you were going to include me
in an important Hollywood deal."
"Oh right," came a voice from
within the stall, and Hollywood
Producer opened the stall, reached out,
grabbed Coyote and wiped with him.


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