ENQUIRING MINDS
© Greg Keeler 1990

It's a Baby

You've just made your plane. You sit down puffing in a sweat.
The cabin's hot and crowded and as loud as it can get.
At least the seat that's next to you has not been occupied.
You can yawn and stretch your arms and legs out far and wide.
But just as you drift off to a pleasant little sleep,
You feel you're being poked by a pair of little feet.
You try hard not to notice it. You cover up your eyes.
But something keeps telling you, you're in for a big surprise.
It's a baby, and it's sitting next to you.
It's a baby, going ga goo ga goo goo.
It's a baby, all bright and pink and new.
It's a baby. It's a baby.
It's a baby, and it's drooling on your suit.
It's a baby. It's mother's saying, "Ain't it cute?"
It's a baby. Snot is running from its snoot.
Its a baby. It's a baby.

You're out with a hot date who isn't easily impressed.
The evening's so important, you took hours getting dressed.
The restaurant that you've picked will cost at least 400 bucks,
But you'll propose, and she'll say yes with just a little luck.
But as the waiter brings you your wine and cordon bleu,
The hostess brings a high-chair to the table next to you.
You were hoping that the smell you smelled was only camembert.
But something keeps telling you, there's more than just cheese in the air.
It's a baby, and it's pooping in its pants.
It's a baby. You can tell without a glance.
It's a baby. So much for romance.
It's a baby. It's a baby.
It's a baby, and it's barfing while it screams.
It's a baby. What's that floating in the cream?!
It's a baby from out of your worst dreams.
It's a baby. It's a baby.

You're out at a French movie full of violence and sex.
Your intellectual friend said it's thematically complex.
As you race to read the subtitles and reach the denoument,
You figure you might just get the catharsis that you want.
But as the symbolism is just starting to make sense,
And you comprehend the imagery even though it's dense.
You feel some spit-soaked popcorn go tumbling down your back.
Then a little cup of coke dribbles on the crotch of your slacks.
It's a Baby, and it's chewing on your ear.
It's a baby. Oh no! It's on the verge of tears.
It's a baby from out of your worst fears.
It's a baby. It's a baby.