ENQUIRING MINDS
© Greg Keeler 1990

Planet of Morons

Beam me up, Scotty. There's something very wrong down here.
Beam me up, Scotty. I fear disaster's getting near.
Beam me up, Scotty. To leave here might be very wise.
Beam me up, Scotty. For God's sake, Scotty, energize.
There's no Romulan warship. There's no strong force field,
No need for a phaser to stop, stun or kill,
Just a planet of morons, destroying their home,
And no one can save them, no, not even Dr. Bones.

So beam me up, Scotty. This water isn't fit to drink.
Beam me up, Scotty. Something down here really stinks.
Yes, Beam me up, Scotty. This atmosphere it burns my eyes.
Beam me up, Scotty. Beam me back into the Enterprise.
There's no Klingon cruiser. There's no distress call,
No alien intelligence, no, no intelligence at all,
Just a planet of morons, all pressing their luck,
And no one can save them, no, not even Mr. Spock.

So beam me up, Scotty. I'm in one big sanitary landfill.
Yes, beam me up, Scotty. All this freon's giving me a chill.
Beam me up, Scotty. You'd never guess the mess I'm in.
Beam me up, Scotty. Disposable diapers upo to my chin.
There's no Vulcan mind meld. There's no mind to meld.
Not even a tribble or an illusory spell,
Just a planet of Morons, whose cities don't work,
and no one can save them, no, not even Captain Kirk.

So beam me up, Scotty. There's something very wrong down here.
Yes, beam me up, Scotty. I fear disaster's getting near.
Beam me up, Scotty. To leave here might be very wise.
Yes beam me up, Scotty. For God's sake, Scotty, energize.