SHEEP, LIES, AND AUDIO TAPE
© Greg Keeler 1991

Assimilate

If you smoke a pack of Camels, it'll help your respiration.
A bag of pork rinds can improve your circulation.
Everything's great if your body can assimilate.
If you want to stay healthy, and you want to feel great,
Eat some buttered mashed potatos with a chicken-fired steak.
It's a cinch you'll lose weight if your body can assimilate.
If you want to be tall and stronger than King Kong,
Remember, every morning you should eat a Hostess Ding Dong,
And when it comes to wellness the assimiloids say,
"A Twinkie a day keeps the doctor away."

Just lie down on the couch and watch T.V. while you're hogging
A bag of corn chips. It's better than jogging.
It's how you stay in shape if your body can assimilate.
I like my soda pop with sugar and my coffee caffinated,
My French fires with salt and my fat saturated.
Nothing goes to waste if your body can assimilate.
Eat a hot fudge sundae instead of Brussels
Sprouts for strong bones and lots of strong muscles.
Throw out the broccoli and throw out the peas,
And throw out that bottle of Vitamin C.

Instead of breathin' air, you can breathe carbon monoxide.
Instead of drinkin' water you can guzzle some peroxide.
Nothing goes to waste if your body can assimilate.
It's never too late to learn to assimilate.