TALKING SWEET BYE AND BYE
© Greg Keeler 1987

Talking Sweet Bye and Bye

Last summer I took my family to the Epcot Center,
And for only one hundred dollars we got to sit through
A day's worth of elaborate commercials for giant corporations.
In one of my favorites, we sat in these little chairs
That spun us down a tunnel of displays concerning America's future.
In the first display, a family was sittin' in a modernistic city,
Eatin' and watchin TV.
In the second display, a family was sittin in a colony in outer space,
Eatin' and watchin TV.
And in the third display, a family was sittin' in a bubble at the bottom of
the ocean,
Eatin' and watchin' TV.

Well, needless to say, I was so impressed that I had me
A little religious experience, right there on the spot.
It took the form of a vision where the Great Communicater
Came ridin' a stallion out of the sunset in a blaze of glory,
And over the thunder of hooves I could her him sayin',
"Listen son, you ain't seen nothin yet.
Wait till I tell you my vision of the future.
I call it the sweet buy and buy.

In the sweet buy and buy,
Where everybody's happy, and all you see is yuppies galore,
In the sweet buy and buy,
It's like a super duper any thing you'd ever want convenience store.

And then with his stallion snorting in a golden cloud of dust,
He dismounted and proceeded to squelch my skepticism
Concerning his little vision.
"I know," he said, "you're worried about nuclear holocost.
You're worried about the window of vulnerability.
Well, in the sweet buy and buy, my team of specially trained experts
Will protect you with devices beyond your wildest imagination.
Take for example the hamster powered chicken wheel.
In that one, a giant drum of scampering hamsters will propel
a magnetized sphere of chickens to the edge of outerspace.
When the missals of the of the Evil Empire come,
A sudden shock will send the chickens into a frenzy,
and they will peck the incoming missals until they explode.
If that's not the bottom like of cost effectiveness
Well I don't know what is."

In the sweet buy and buy,
Where they all drive BMWs
And third worlders never trouble you no more,
In the sweet buy and buy,
It's like a super duper any thing you'd ever want convenience store.

"And don't worry," he said. "I won't forget the farmers.
Of course, they'll all have to sell their land
To the agri-bureau-technocratic conglomerates,
But, heck, I won't forget 'em. I'll get 'em all jobs at Burger King.
Those crusty old farmers and ranchers will look real nice
In those little suits they dress you up in,
And when some yuppie asks where the beef is,
They can say, "Heck, it's right here between these two little buns."

Then he swung back up into the saddle
And stuck his thumb in the air,
Sort of like they do in them commercials for diet pop
Where everybody's feelin' good about themselves.
Then he actually started to sing, "Feelin' good about myself,"
And headed off toward the horizon.
But before he was totally out of sight,
I could still hear him repeatin' that refrain.

In the sweet buy and buy,
Where everybody's happy and all you see is yuppies galore,
In the sweet buy and buy,
It's like a super duper anything you'd ever want convenience store.