TRASH FISH
© Greg Keeler 1994

Speedy Critters

I met a tree huggin', idealistic bugger,
Who said our wild lands should be restored.
But his primary cause to get things back the way they was
Only left me nervous and bored.
He talked of game corridors, but that only bored me more.
He talked of keeping species alive,
But then I stopped him in his tracks and said, "Why be so complex?"
When we can teach all them critters to drive.

Yes, we'll teach all them critters to drive.
They can cruise at a brisk sixty-five.
On their annual migrations, we'll build filling stations.
Hell, that ought to keep 'em alive.
Yes, we'll teach all them critters to drive.
Who says nature and highways don't jive?
Instead of game corridors, they can hop in their four-doors
When we teach all them critters to drive.

Something in me's gotta put a moose in a Miata,
And naturally, a lynx gets a Lynx.
There'll be Buicks for bears and Rabbits for hares.
They'll see how natural transportation stinks.
For sustainable development, the old ways just aren't relevant.
Them buffer zones and islands won't survive.
But wolves can all drive jeeps while they're chasin' down their sheep
When we teach all them critters to drive.

Yes, we'll teach all them critters to drive.
They'll lead pleasant and leisurely lives.
We'll be extending their range, and they won't be endangered.
Hell, that ought to keep 'em alive.
Yes, we'll teach all them critters to drive.
Who says nature and highways don't jive.
Hell, nature's just a back-drop. Let's stick to that ol' black-top.
Let's teach all them critters to drive.